There are a lot of highly useless and stupid man-made processes and it is hard to rank them all, or even just the top 20. One that definitely deserves to be somewhere up there on the Oh-god-why-has-this-abomination-been-set-loose-on-humanity List is the deposit slip. Let me be clear that I am not against the deposit slip as a whole. I think that if somebody is depositing some form of money into a machine or some drop-box or anywhere that does not currently have a human teller to talk to, then such slips are highly useful. But those are the only situations for deposit slips! Period.
When you go to your bank and make deposits in such a way that you’re interacting with an actual teller, no deposit slips are needed and no deposit slips should ever be asked for. If the teller requests that you use one, they are essentially saying that they are less competent than the little hinged-door covering the drop box that was installed by the middle-school drop-out meth-head of a janitor 17 years ago, which has long-since rusted and has more diseases on it than Courtney Love’s cervix. The part that frustrates me the most is the fact that, in order to make themselves appear somewhat human, the tellers let you know that you don’t really need to fill out all of the fields on the slip. They will need your account number, but they don’t really need that if you carry your bank card with you, as I do. Other than that, all they really need is your name and the total amount of money being deposited. Well, useless sacks of body fluid, that information is on the check to begin with! Oh, depositing more than one check? Well that gives the teller who has to concentrate quite a bit just to breathe yet another chance to see your name and the amount! Oh, but now you have to add up the total amount. And what if this poor mentally deficient teller has to deal with checks and cash being deposited at once? That would truly be a shame, for they would have to use all of the addition skills that they learned in 3rd grade to figure out the total amount deposited. Just to fuck with them, try telling them to deposit some of the money into savings and some into checking. When they ask how much into each, just say “Surprise me” and then distract yourself with the endless pamphlets about that mortgage that you’ve always never cared about. You’ll find their little finger trembling between the F4 button and the F5 button on the keyboard while they try to decide whether to deposit into your savings or checking account first. Just wait until they start trying to figure out how much to put into each. In some cases, the teller may actually collapse and loose consciousness. Oh, and I almost forgot that sometimes these financial harlots covered in cheap make-up have the balls to ask that you write the date down on the precious deposit slip. I figure that even the slowest of bank tellers must catch on to the pattern after the first 10 or so customers all use exactly the same date on their slip. Since I never have my banking transactions at a high enough priority to do them first thing in the day, they tellers should really figure it out by the time I get there. And I’m convinced that they know the date, because how could they not? In that case, they are basically testing if I know the date or not. Frankly, it’s none of their damn business. I could be 3 days into a week-long binge of dropping acid and think it was 783 years in the future, but I still feel that I should be able to make a simple deposit of money into my account.
Point being that bank tellers need to get off their high horse and realize that a trained dolphin could do 99% of their job. Hell, it could even be the dolphin who failed training, is missing a fin, and can’t even swim very well.
Recent Comments