Fedorpheux.com

That’s right, I’m back at it again. I’m just trying my hardest to find the most worthless and disturbing stuff that can be found via Google Image Search. And believe me, there is plenty of weird crap out there. Let’s say, just for the sake of the argument, that I searched for trifle and that the 4th result on the 3rd page was this abomination:

The above image is from http://greatprioryofscotland.com/photographs.htm

Well hey there Mr. CrazyFace! How you doing? Apparently you seem to be deeply and passionately enjoying shoveling congealed moldy pus in your fat face, you insane but well-dressed maniac. Seriously, though, this guy does not appear to be mentally stable. Not that I am a perfect model of mental fortitude, but at least I don’t look like I’m going to leap across the table and swallow a small child or two whole.

As we analyze the picture more closely, a few things come to mind. One relates to how well this confirmed psycho is dressed. He’s got a cute little necklace and everything. In fact, everybody in the background appears to be rather gussied up. This tells me one thing: it must be the annual convention of the International Nondescript Secret Advanced Neon Enhancement members. That’s right, it’s the yearly INSANE meet-up. I can’t believe I didn’t realize that earlier. All of the signs are there. Like the second pus bowl that is nearly empty. And there’s the cup of tea that clearly has no tea in it and appears as though it has never had tea in it. And who could forget the blinding red vest combined with the hung-over hair-do style?

Well that explains that. But I still don’t like the look on his face. A less observant person might guess that this guy is a rapist, but I would have to disagree with that. To me and my trained eye, this guy looks like the quiet voyeuristic type; the kind that performs sick and often illegal acts on whatever poor critters he can get his hands on (usually field mice and naked mole rats). You know, your average Joe Smith kind of guy who could live down the street from you…or maybe even right next door. But there is one last thing that bothers me about this picture and I can’t quite explain it. I have the strange feeling that this guy has a third arm that is somehow concealed by his snappy clothes, disgustingly distracting food, and overly cluttered table. And if you already assumed that I’m making some kind of penis joke, then you are even sicker than the individual in this photograph.

Can’t sick penis jokes out of your mind? Then send your suggestion for a Goomage (that hopefully doesn’t have to do with penises…but hey, it’s a free world…sometimes) to goomage@fedorpheux.com!