Fedorpheux.com

First of all, what follows isn’t really a result of any specific situation or experience. It is more just from my general distrust and overall hate towards the main sources of mass media. Secondly, well, I don’t have a “secondly” so I’ll get on with my point.
When you watch the local news at 5:30pm or whenever you watch it in your own crazy world, you see your ugly news anchors that will never hit it in the big time, the weather girl whose tits are several times as big as her brain (and quite a bit more useful as far as the TV station is concerned), and the sports guy is basically just like your friend Frank down the street who is constantly watching some group of sweaty guys run around with a ball for some reason (except the sports guy is wearing a suit and knows how to shave well). Then, several times a week, you will get some story about a bum that is crippled from polio, helps old ladies cross the street, and lets stray cats and dogs nibble on his toes for nourishment. This bum has always been living in your town way longer than you or anybody that you are related to or even know, yet he’s never had a house. He’s also done way more nice things for people than humanly possible. Obviously, you immediately grow a deep and passionate hate for him and you vow to demolish the cardboard box that he calls home…as soon as you finish your dinner.
Then after half an hour of local crap (that some call news), you welcome the lovely national crap (that some call news). You have the one anchor with a simply obscene amount of hair that is perfectly done, the second anchor that is obviously bald but appears to be wearing a toupee made of the first anchor’s extra hair, the meteorologist that lets the computers do all the thinking for him, and the sports guy who can’t say anything without yelling loudly and spitting. As with local news, you get a certain kind of story a few times a week. However, it differs somewhat from what your local TV station tells you. This one talks about a certain bum that lives in a town that looks totally like yours but isn’t actually yours, he sells cocaine to the neighborhood kids, he then rapes the kids and steals their money and cocaine, and finally he breaks into people’s houses only to flip up toilet seats so that wives get mad at their husbands for leaving the seat up. Oddly enough, he looks very familiar to the bum that you heard about only a short half hour earlier.
What the hell is it that you want us to do, media?! Are we supposed to love these bums, give them awards, and welcome them into our houses? Or should we shoot them on sight and then run over and piss on their corpses? My advice: give the bums the best of both philosophies. Shoot them in the leg, give them an award for taking the shot like a man, invite them into your house, and then promptly piss on them. Covers all the bases.