For you non-Oregonians, imagine a small little town of maybe a few thousand people somewhat isolated in central Oregon. The name of that town is Sweet Home. In my chemistry class at school (which I happen to be in right now), we are studying arsenic levels in that town. What started all this is that according to USGS (United States Geological Surveys), Sweet Home has extremely high levels of arsenic in the ground water. These levels could potentially be lethal, or at least harmful to the environment.
So, off we go on our little field trip, gathering samples from the field. Back at school, we take 5 full days to process these 150 or so soil and fossil samples and send them off to the nuclear reactor at OSU (Oregon State University) so that they can find exactly how much arsenic is in there. Well, OSU apparently shut down their reactor or something. We sent it off to other places and sometimes it got screwed up and other times the results showed absolutely no arsenic. Now, they’ve been sent off to about 4 totally different locations to be tested about 3 different ways. These places include Reed college and Hewlett-Packard. So far, we’re thinking that maybe the first tests of these samples weren’t flawed. Maybe these soil samples really don’t have any arsenic. But then where did all the arsenic that the USGS detect go?
I think I may have an answer. As you may remember, I mentioned a certain evil organization in Goomage 8: The Communist Lumberjacks from Sweden. Don’t go calling me crazy just yet. Okay, well you can go ahead and call me crazy, but I think this idea is so crazy that it just might be true. The reason behind that is the members of the secret faction of Communist Lumberjacks from Sweden must be rather crazy in the first place, don’t you think? So, coming here in America where you’d least expect them: Sweet Home. It’s a genious plan! Take down the American democratic republic from the inside out. They’re not stupid enough to start at L.A. or New York City where they would easily be found out and caught. But in a place like Sweet Home, most people don’t even know what communism is. Or, for that matter, they probably don’t even know what Sweden is.
I’m not quite sure yet what exactly to do about this problem, but I am always thinking about this. If we don’t do anything about this, this time next year we may all be chopping down trees with Swedish axes whistling evil communist tunes.
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