With a title like that, you’d think that I’m going to be talking about pimps or drug-runners or something exciting like that. But no, I am talking about something painfully annoying and uncool: slow drivers. Damn slow drivers. For example, if the speed limit is 35mph, you’re lucky if they break 32mph. It doesn’t make any sense to me. You would think that at 10pm on a Friday night, you would have all drunkards speeding off to their bars or strip-joints, or maybe some teens hurrying to not break their parents curfew after a hard night of sex and drug use. But no, all I saw were old ladies and other assorted slow pokes that felt that every single speed limit was apparently way too fast to be going. The actual speeds of these people end up breaking down as follows:
Posted Speed Limits :: Actual Speeds
25mph :: You might as well just get out and walk
35mph :: 32mph (at best)
45mph :: 38mph (I try to push them to go faster as much as possible without actually ramming them)
55mph :: 46mph (at this point I am preparing to ram them)
65mph :: 49mph (they are now skidding upside down into the ditch and I am speeding off at 80+mph)
It sickens me that people do this. Especially on Friday nights. I would expect this kind of driving on Sunday afternoons or something when the family is just out for a leisurely drive, but this is just ridiculous. I’ll have to find some way to solve this problem. Until then, I plan to just whine and complain about it.
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