Fedorpheux.com

Okay, I don’t know how long this one will be, but I figured that I should at least write something. This time I searched Google Image Search for the perfectly innocent phrase chew bubblegum. Right off the bat, I was hit with painfully ugly results. The following is the very first result of all of the results for that search:

Well, apparently this guy came to kickass and chew bubblegum, and now he’s all out of bubblegum. Wait, I take my previous sentence back. It is obviously way too cool for this horrible picture. Talk about mullet to the extreme, not to mention the huge sunglasses. His rifle and ammo belt thing over his shoulder makes him look like one of those guys that sits in his backyard all his childhood shooting .22s at empty tin cans on the fence post while watching his pig make love to his sheep. Or maybe that’s just my impression of him.
The American flag in there adds touch of that feel that says “I’m a real American. I’ve got a mullet, big genitals, and no brain.” That little smirk on his face makes me think he feels cool but doesn’t even have any idea how to use the gun in is hands. Speaking of which, it probably isn’t even a real gun. But damn, doesn’t he look sexy with that hair and that flanel shirt?
According to the page that this is from, this poor sap’s name is Roddy Piper. I’ve never heard of him before and likely will never hear of him again, and I think the reason for that is shown in this picture. If you want to see an even bigger picture of this sexy hunk of man meat, click here (I’m not hosting this other picture so it may not be available if their host takes it down). Okay, well I’m a little too scared but mostly too lazy to go any further with this Goomage.

Have you ever been confronted in a dark alley by a person looking similar to this guy? Well, quickly, send in your ideas for Goomages to goomage@fedorpheux.com now, before you get killed by the mullet of doom!

Since I’m a lazy bastard, I’m going to post something here that I posted on my previous site. Don’t worry, though, because this was actually somewhat popular. Anyways, here it goes:

To start this off, I think you should see the splash that appears everytime you start the game. Click here. That, in itself, explains a lot. It is quite serious yet it also shows you the element of humor that Running With Scissors likes to put in their games.
Installation of the game is easy. Just one CD, stick it in, it unpacks some files and installs and there you go. I happened to notice that the extensions on some of the files that it extracted were “.fuk”. I don’t know if that was a coincidence or what, but I bet it’s just another little joke from those RWS (Running With Scissors) guys. The game takes about 1 gig of harddrive space.
When you start the game, it goes through some splash screens (like the one shown above) and then you’re at a pretty cool but not annoying menu screen. The first thing I did was customize the controls, graphics, and audio to fit me and my computer the best. The system requirements can be found on this page.
When you start a new game, you watch a little movie that explains your situation. You’re a guy living in a piece of crap mobile-home thingy with a stupid dog and a wife that you repeatedly call, well, a bitch (Yes, there is plenty of cussing in this game including multiple uses of the “F” word, but that’s nothing compared to the violence). Right away, the graphics are a giant leap from the 3rd person original Postal. The game boasts the Unreal engine and I think it is used well.
There are 5 days in the week (Monday through Friday) and each day your wife gives you a list of about 4 errons to do. If you download the demo (which can be found here), the one example erron they give you is to go and get a carton of milk. They alter the map a little bit so it’s possible to do (in the full game the grocery store is outside of where they let you go in the demo).

A great line RWS uses to sell the game is something like “The game is only as violent as you are.” It sounds cheesy, but it’s quite true. You can either do things the legal way by actually paying for stuff, not killing people, and other similar acts of general goodness, or you can literally blow apart people’s heads with shotguns, taser them into a seizure, throw rotting cow heads through windows, light anything on fire with your can of gasoline and matches, and then piss on the stuff to put out the fire. It’s all up to you.
At the time that I am writing this review, I have just started Thursday in my personal game. I have had the game for a week or two and have played it for many hours. You may wonder why it has taken me so long to get this far, but I have an answer. First of all, you may think you’re mentally invincible, but it really gets to you after you kill NPC (Non Player Character) after NPC. Secondly, some missions are pretty hard. It can be easier if you take a break from the game for a while, maybe play a somewhat less violent game like GTA3 (heh), and then go back and try again. For example, I found the church missions pretty hard. I mean, you have to go in and wait in a stupid line for the confessional and then on your way out, a band of crazy Osama bin Laden look-alikes attack the church with machineguns, molotov cocktails, and grenades.
I don’t know what happens when you finish the game, but I’m sure it will be great. Buy the game and find out for yourself!
Pros:
- Wonderfully violent and hilarious gameplay that can go on for as long as you can take it (unlike the demo with a 6-minute time limit).
- Very large map with tons of massive multistory buildings that you can go inside and interact with.
- Hundreds of NPCs just walking around town that you can either befriend, kill, or ignore.
- An increasingly difficult police force that tries to capture you (and if they do capture you, the game isn’t over cause you can break out of jail and continue your missions).
- A wide range of easily accessible and fun-to-use weapons and items.

- Great 3D first person shooter graphics and audio.
- A lot of replay value (similar to GTA3 in that you can just start up the game and kill for no reason whenever the need strikes you).
Cons:
- No multiplayer.
- Graphics are not necessarily cutting-edge (games like Return to Castle Wolfenstein have better graphics).
- A lot of somewhat long load times to load new sections of the map.
- You can’t drive any vehicles.
As an endnote, I would like to encourage you to actually buy the game like I did. I bet it is probably already available on warez IRC servers and various file-sharing programs like Kazaa especially due to how easy it would be to pirate, but RWS is not a huge multi-gazillion dollar company with money to spare. Help support them so they can make more wonderful games (like Postal 2) that no other company has the balls to create.

Check out over 50 in-game screenshots by me here

If you’re addicted to IRC, or even if you’re not, I think most of you male teenage computer nerds out there will love this. You people out there that are not male teenage computer nerds might also love this, but it’s not my fault if you just think it’s pointless, disgusting, innappropriate, and stupid. Anyways, if you’re still reading this, chances are you’re interested. I was just surfing around (how many stories start like that?) and I found this site. It has thousands upon thousands of quotes from IRC (Internet Relay Chat) rooms displaying some of the weirdest and most hilarious moments in the computer nerd world. You can submit your own quotes (though they have to be reviewed, so don’t bother wasting people’s time with stupid crap) as well as surf around and read others. Seeing as how I rarely spend time in IRC, I have not submitted any quotes. It’s still plenty amusing to surf around and check out the quotes that have already been submitted. Here are the links:

Bash.org
Bash.org Top 50 Quotes
Bash.org 50 Random Quotes

Oh, and if you were wondering, Bash.org is not a partner site of this one or at all affiliated with me, nor do they probably want to be seeing as how they get huge amounts of traffic. However, that doesn’t mean that they couldn’t slip me a little money under the table (you hear that owners of Bash.org?). Wow, I really suck at begging for money.

After bashing the (too) often used phrase “anal-retentive” (in this entry), I realized that that isn’t the only stupid phrase that is thrown around in everyday conversation. Well, right now I’m going to take the opportunity to further bash the english language (you should try it, it is surprisingly easy!). This time, my target is “…could care less/…couldn’t care less”. Here is an example usage of it, just to refresh your memory:

Suzy: Hey Bobby, I can’t believe you got a 23% on that last history test! What are you parents going to say?
Bobby: Suzy, calm down. My parents are both raging alcoholics. They could care less/They couldn’t care less

So in that situation, which phrase is the proper one to use? I don’t know about you, but it seems that I hear “could care less” more often than the other choice. Yet, if you actually read them and use your brain, only one of them really makes any sense, and that is the “couldn’t care less” one. In a situation that these are used, the whole point is to show how somebody cares a very little amount about something. Therefore, “couldn’t care less” shows that whoever it is cares so little, that they actually could not care any less about whatever it is. No matter how hard they try, they are caring as little as possible and they simply can not have any less caring for whatever the thing is. However, “could care less” doesn’t make any sense. Literally, that means that whoever it is has the ability to care less about whatever it is. So it doesn’t really say anything about how little or how much they care currently. They could care less, but they don’t have to. It’s up to them. To the listener or reader of somebody using “could care less” it does not clarify anything about the situation.
So next time you notice somebody using the phrase “…could care less” I suggest you ask them exactly how much less could the person or people really care? If they act surprised and a little thrown off by your questioning, you should mention how whoever is misusing and abusing that phrase obviously couldn’t care less about our language, as screwed up as it already is.

Just today I updated this site to MovableType 2.661. I also added a spiffy little recent comments thing. It shows the first 5 words of the 5 most recent comments (regardless of what entry the comments were on). So even if you comment on a story that I posted way back when that is buried deep in the archives of this site, your comment will still show up as long as it is one of the 5 most recently posted comments. I have it set up so that it links to the author of the comment. Depending on what you enter, it will either link to your URL or your email. I also have made it so that the script protects your email address from bots that come around searching for email address to send crap to. I hope you all enjoy all this new fancy stuff.

Hmm, it’s amazing how much work I can get done when I am putting off the work that I actually have to do but don’t want to.

Hah, I’m just kidding! Males can’t get pregnant, or can they? Well, don’t get too carried away just yet. First I’d like to point out a few things that I noticed while surfing around that site. The thing that hit me right at the beginning when I was searching the site was how fake that big picture of the guy in the middle looked. The extremely poor quality and almost random shade changes are much more than just coincidences, as far as I’m concerned. Also, all of their “Media Coverage” is either completely fake (such as the “Time Magazine’s Man(?) of the Year” thing), from totally unreliable and stupid news sources (such as the “USA Today” thing), or totally unrelated (such as CNN’s seahorse article). With the USA Today thing, they didn’t even say anything very good about it. In fact, they only made this whole thing seem even more stupid and unreliable to me. Also, the CNN article reference is just totally misleading. We all learned in 4th grade that with seahorses, the male happens to carry the baby. It’s not anything new! Linking to it was a pitiful attempt at trying to get people to believe that there are some actual reputable news sources covering this “real” story, of which there are absolutely none.

Now, let’s notice the fancy looking “vitals” that are just conveniently placed right on that front page. Go through all three of them (EKG, Ultrasound, Other Vitals). Go ahead. It doesn’t take a genious to realize that all three of them are just a stupid tiny little animated GIF that repeats itself every few seconds. Not to mention the fact that if those were really true vitals (which they totally obviously aren’t), this person would have to be totally bound to a hospital bed and constantly having somebody perform the ultrasound test 24 hours a day.
Oh, but right below all those fake vitals is a clock that is actually the right time so this whole thing must actually be true. NOT! First of all, it takes about 3 seconds to whip up a stupid little clock like that on any webpage. Secondly, notice how it is set to your home time. I can’t seem to find out where the hell any of this is supposedly taking place, but from the few pictures and short videos, I would have to say somewhere in Asia. Now, maybe of you readers are actually in Asia. Personally, though, I’m in the Pacific time zone and I know for a fact that there is not one bit of Asia in the same timezone as me. So either that time is a complete lie or it’s just telling me what time it is currently for me. Last time I checked, every single computer possible of searching the internet and seeing that stupid little clock of theirs has the power to keep it’s own time. Either way, that little clock of theirs is total crap.
Keep moving down that page and you find a “Pregnancy Journal” and a “Video Archive”. Oh, isn’t that just a silly coincidence that the journal “will be back online shortly”? As for their “Video Archive”, all of their videos are poorly shot and pure crap. I could pull off something very similar and all I would need is a cheap fat suit (or maybe just a pillow or two).
Before I left this site in its own puddle of stupidity never to surf it again, I just had to take a peak at its so called message boards. Luckily, they had them nicely organized in 4 categories: “I am thrilled”, “I am appalled”, “I am skeptical”, and “I want to be a pregnant man”. The thrilled, skeptical, and admiring sections were pretty lame and predictable. The appalled one, however, was rather entertaining. Enjoy these delightfully tasteful quotes from the “I am appalled” section of the message board:

LIZ
United Kingdom

“This is against God. Mr. Lee is a sick man. Repent now before it’s too late. You sick, sick people. God will pay you back for this evil you have created. REPENT! REPENT!”

MARGARET
England
“I AM SORRY, BUT A MAN HAVING AN EMBRYO IMPLANTED INTO HIS CAVITY IS NOT ONLY IMMORAL AND SRICKLEY SINFULLY AGAINST THE BIBLE BUT IS SELFISH TO THE POOR CHILD WHOME HAS TO BE BORN FROM A MAN.IF YOU TAKE PLACE IN THE TYPE OF RESEARCH, YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONS. FROM THE LORD AND MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.THIS IS DISCUTTING AND CRUEL TO THE BABY………….HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WERE THE CHILD?????SICKO!!!!!THIS MAN WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQEUNCES OF TAKING PLACE IN THIS TYPE OF SICKO RESEARCH…..YOU ALL SHOULD BE SHTTTTTTTTTT”

That place is chalk full of that stuff. It’s so hilariously pitiful that I don’t even want to make the effort of poking fun at it. So, next time you see an apparently pregnant guy walking down the street, punch him really hard right in the stomach and then stroll away mumbling something about how abortion is funny.

We’ve all heard this term tossed around in various situations. Despite all the times that I’ve heard it used, it still doesn’t sit quite right with me. When I first heard it (but had not yet seen it written down), I thought it was a whole new word. I just couldn’t imagine mature and refined people using the word “anal” in normal conversation, unless I was in the company of proctologists, of course. I was slightly comforted by the fact that the definition and use of the word doesn’t really have anything to do with the anus, or so I thought. To my understanding, having never previously looked up the term in a dictionary, it was usually used to describe people who had to be very precise and have everything just right to the point where it was annoying to other people. Something like that, at least. So I just recently decided to look it up. This is what Dictionary.com spit back:

Indicating personality traits, such as meticulousness, avarice, and obstinacy, originating in habits, attitudes, or values associated with infantile pleasure in retention of feces.
Reading through the first part, I was thinking that it was alright and it all made sense. Then suddenly, BAM! I’m hit with “infantile pleasure in retention of feces“. What the hell? I’ve never heard of an infantile pleasure such as this, much less do I have any memory of indulging in this activity myself. It struck me weird because it feels like it is totally out of the blue, yet it really isn’t because the term itself has the word “anal”. Apparently, the “anal” part of it is rather important.
Personally, I never use this term. That’s not because I’m totally against it or anything, it’s just that I never really got comfortable using it before and now that I know this, I can’t help but either get disgusted or just snicker every time I hear it used. What gets me even more is when people are talking quickly or they’re just lazy and they shorten it to just “anal”. It’s like they don’t even realize what they’re saying, or maybe they just don’t care. Whatever it is, the whole “anal-retentive” thing just doesn’t sit well with me. I’m just fine with using lower forms of insults such as “stupid” or “idiotic” as well as bad-mouthing the person’s mother.