(The following was originally posted on 8-21-2003 by me on my old site.)
Due to the fact that there hasn’t been anything that I thought was interesting in the news lately, I have resorted to writing another crazy Goomage. Malevolent was the word that I searched Google Image Search for this time. There wasn’t too much planning behind this one. I just saw the word somewhere in something I was reading and I remembered how I’ve always thought that it looks a hell of a lot like “male” and “violent” put together. The following image is the 12th result for that search:
The above image is from http://jason.mikomi.org/ys/
Looking at this just makes me want to jump up and dance to the Weird Al Yankovic song where he makes fun of fat people (I think it’s called “Fat” or “I’m Fat” or something like that). The guy in this picture (or at least I think it’s a guy, I really don’t know for sure) has obviously made a wrong decision or two in his life. Well, before I start bashing this poor guy, I’ll mention the upsides of this picture. I can only think of two: 1. The walls don’t have anything scary or disturbing on them. 2. The picture itself is rather small, which is good because I don’t think I could stand a larger version of this picture. My brain just might explode.
Seeing as how there’s nothing else good about this picture, it is time for some bashing. You can’t help but notice the big hunk of fat that seems to be growing out of the couch. Luckily, the jeans he is wearing seem to be able to handle his body. However, the fact that he is wearing a belt makes it seem like his belly is sticking out a foot farther than it really is. His shirt seems to be a tad dirty, but at least it doesn’t have any massive holes or anything. The part that confuses me is whatever is inbetween his jiggly manboobs. Is it a design on the t-shirt or a fatty cheeseburger on a necklace? You just don’t know. The bag on his lap seems all well and good but what about whatever the hell he has in is right hand. Are those just sticks of dried dog crap or what? All I know is that I would not want to see that guy with those things in his hand in real life. In fact, I don’t want to see him in real life at all.
By now you should get the point of the main guy. He’s massively fat and his sunglasses probably help hide the fact that he is horribly hung over which is also why he probably finds whatever is in his hand so interesting. But what about those things around the room? Led by the big bag of Tidy Cats (Super Size), this assortment of totally crappy and useless items (unless this guy uses a fat-person litter box like a cat uses a cat litter box, in which case he probably needs a whole lot more litter) makes you wonder why they would ever be collected and put into the same room. After reading through the page where I got this image from, I realized that this page is just about some sort of game where you give people really bad gifts. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me right now, but that could be because it is past 2:30 AM and I am way too tired to write a quality article. I guess I should stop here, then. So, my point is this guy is hella fat and he loves his Tidy Cats.
Are you as hella fat as this guy? Whether you are or not, send in your suggestion(s) for Goomages to goomage@fedorpheux.com right now!
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