Fedorpheux.com

(The following was originally posted on 8-27-2003 by me on my old site.)

After taking a glance at the results in the current poll, I noticed you guys out there like 3 things:
1. Refunds.
2. Bingus
3. Goomages
Well, I’m far too mean and poor you give you refunds. I’m also way too lazy and unskilled to make the next Bingus cartoon (yet). So here I am writing another Goomage and no, you can’t stop me.
This time I searched Google Image Search for the well known phrase and song title who let the dogs out. Enjoy (or shield your eyes from) the 2nd result of that search:

The above image is from http://www.thelarkins.org/dogsout.htm

Take a good look at this picture. Then look at it again. Rinse and repeat as necessary. I found that I thought several different things as I looked at this picture multiple times. What’s important to note is that the picture isn’t all that painful to look at over and over again for extended amounts of time. With most Goomages (this one being a great example), it is down right dangerous to look at for any longer than just a few seconds. This one, on the other hand, takes great concentration and commitment to fully comprehend.
First, let’s get the obvious crap out of the way. They are both wearing what appears to be dog suits, most likely for Halloween. That’s all of the obvious stuff. The rest is quite intense, so hold on to your pants.
After thinking about this picture for way too long, I have deduced that the guy on the right gets paid too much and the little kid on the left is some high-ranking member of the Texan Mafia. How could I ever know such intimate details just from this seemingly innocent picture? Observation, that’s all.
Look at that guy on the right. Notice his ears are down yet he still has a big smile on his face. That shows that he is a servant or personal assistant of some sort. Take a closer look at his face, though, and you will notice that his smile and his eyes say a mouthful. This man is either getting paid way too much for a really easy job or he is embezzling funds for his own personal financial gain. You can just tell that he knows something that we don’t know.

Now on to the kid. Quite a kid, eh? Just looking at the face makes you realize he has power. With that one look, he is probably ordering the execution of somebody, declaring war on somebody, or something like that. Whatever he is doing, he has it all planned out. While he does his look thing, not only does he have the other guy looking at the camera, but he also has it so his dog head hat thingy is looking straight at the camera. The amount of planning and resources he has is simply amazing. Also, judging by the markings on the coat of his dog costume, people must address him using the word “Sir.” In addition to all this, you can tell this kid has a tight grip on his massive empire just by how he holds his little basket thing or whatever he’s holding. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to mess with this guy.

Do you occaisionally find yourself wearing a giant dog suit? Well, watch out for giant fleas and send in your suggestion(s) for Goomages to goomage@fedorpheux.com right now!

(The following was originally posted on 8-21-2003 by me on my old site.)

Due to the fact that there hasn’t been anything that I thought was interesting in the news lately, I have resorted to writing another crazy Goomage. Malevolent was the word that I searched Google Image Search for this time. There wasn’t too much planning behind this one. I just saw the word somewhere in something I was reading and I remembered how I’ve always thought that it looks a hell of a lot like “male” and “violent” put together. The following image is the 12th result for that search:

The above image is from http://jason.mikomi.org/ys/

Looking at this just makes me want to jump up and dance to the Weird Al Yankovic song where he makes fun of fat people (I think it’s called “Fat” or “I’m Fat” or something like that). The guy in this picture (or at least I think it’s a guy, I really don’t know for sure) has obviously made a wrong decision or two in his life. Well, before I start bashing this poor guy, I’ll mention the upsides of this picture. I can only think of two: 1. The walls don’t have anything scary or disturbing on them. 2. The picture itself is rather small, which is good because I don’t think I could stand a larger version of this picture. My brain just might explode.
Seeing as how there’s nothing else good about this picture, it is time for some bashing. You can’t help but notice the big hunk of fat that seems to be growing out of the couch. Luckily, the jeans he is wearing seem to be able to handle his body. However, the fact that he is wearing a belt makes it seem like his belly is sticking out a foot farther than it really is. His shirt seems to be a tad dirty, but at least it doesn’t have any massive holes or anything. The part that confuses me is whatever is inbetween his jiggly manboobs. Is it a design on the t-shirt or a fatty cheeseburger on a necklace? You just don’t know. The bag on his lap seems all well and good but what about whatever the hell he has in is right hand. Are those just sticks of dried dog crap or what? All I know is that I would not want to see that guy with those things in his hand in real life. In fact, I don’t want to see him in real life at all.

By now you should get the point of the main guy. He’s massively fat and his sunglasses probably help hide the fact that he is horribly hung over which is also why he probably finds whatever is in his hand so interesting. But what about those things around the room? Led by the big bag of Tidy Cats (Super Size), this assortment of totally crappy and useless items (unless this guy uses a fat-person litter box like a cat uses a cat litter box, in which case he probably needs a whole lot more litter) makes you wonder why they would ever be collected and put into the same room. After reading through the page where I got this image from, I realized that this page is just about some sort of game where you give people really bad gifts. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me right now, but that could be because it is past 2:30 AM and I am way too tired to write a quality article. I guess I should stop here, then. So, my point is this guy is hella fat and he loves his Tidy Cats.

Are you as hella fat as this guy? Whether you are or not, send in your suggestion(s) for Goomages to goomage@fedorpheux.com right now!

(The following was originally posted on 8-13-2003 by me on my old site.)

This one is a doozy. I was hoping to find something funny and cute in an innocent way. This thing is just damn disturbing. I chose to search Google Image Search for the phrase tax man because I happened to be listening to the Beatles song with that same title. The following is the 14th result of that search:

The above image is from http://www.cnn.com/US/9702/07/irs/

Oh dear heavenly body, this just isn’t right. I was considering taking the annying little “(CNN)” thing out but you know what? CNN can have this picture. In fact, I want them to claim this as their property! That way nobody can blame me for creating this crime against humanity.
Now, I’m not an evil little thankless bastard…most of the time…I think old people are great. They’re nice, they know a lot, and if they hadn’t done what they did, none of us would be here. Sure they smell funny sometimes and maybe you have to yell so loud that it hurts your throat just so they will hear you. Still, old people are good people.

In fact, I bet you even this old lady is a nice lady. However, I am still going to make fun of her. Why? Isn’t it obvious? That picture is so bad, I might have to take a break from writing this just to compose myself!
I guess I should at least pretend to analyze this picture some, even though there isn’t much to it. If you look closely (which I advise against doing), you can tell that the old lady is probably wearing earings, a necklace, and lipstick. This brings up the whole issue of why do old ladies even try to look nice? Luckily, most old men realize that they’re old and they look like crap and there’s nothing they can do. Old ladies need to realize this. A little jewelry here and a little makeup there really doesn’t help hide the massive amount of wrinkles and other features that age has given them.
The page that this image came from is just a CNN page talking about how stupid the IRS is. At first, I was confused because the picture wasn’t anywhere on the page. However, I just skimmed it and found the link to it. It so happens that this old lady is dead. She died in 1988. That’s pretty sad. Maybe I shouldn’t publish this Goomage. Oh well, too late.

Don’t end up like this old lady! Send in your idea(s) for a Goomage today! Just send an e-mail to goomage@fedorpheux.com and hopefully I’ll use your idea(s)!

(The following was originally posted on 7-19-2003 by me on my old site.)

Yup, here’s another Goomage for all you fans out there. This time I had the crazy urge to search Google Image Search for the phrase belly slapping. The following was the 1st result of only 3:

The above image is from http://www.walleyecentral.com/scott-huron99.htm

Well, let’s start off easy this time. The background of the image (the stuff behind the boat) actually seems pretty normal. Okay, from here on in it gets less easy. First of all, that is a boat. It may be sort of hard to tell, but just trust me. Plus, if you go to the actual page, it talks about a fishing trip of some kind.
The person on the left looks like he just woke up from a long hard night of drinking and cheap prostitution (I think he was the seller of the prostitution, not the buyer).

Now the guy on the right, he’s standing up straight, tall, and proud. However, he has a baseball cap on. Not only do real sailors not wear baseball caps, but this guy is wearing it especially low so it (along with all the facial hair) covers his face. This could only mean one thing: he is trying to hide his identity. But why would he want to hide his identity, you ask? I’m thinking that it must be because he was the person who paid the guy on the left to “service” him in the act of prostitution. I could be wrong but, then again, I could be right.
Finally, the words on the boat, “Just Look’n.” What I’m afriad of is the possibility of this being the actual name of the boat. Yeah, lots of boats have weird names and this probably wouldn’t be the weirdest. The reason it scares me so much is that it supports my theory of the gay prostitution. Of course, like I said before, I could be wrong…or not.

Hey you! Yeah, you! Don’t forget, you can send in your suggestion(s) for a Goomage search by sending an email to goomage@fedorpheux.com!

(The following was originally posted on 7-8-2003 by me on my old site.)

I know it’s quite far from any romantic type holiday and everything, but I obviously don’t care what the date is because for this Goomage. I used the phrase “fall in love”. What resulted was a very entertaining yet educational picture. Dare I say “edutainment”! Here is the 15th image on the first page of results that the Google Image Search gave me:

The above image is from http://www.supermegatopia.com/gallery/why.htm.

Wow, them be some sexy cats…or dogs…maybe chickens…bulls? Okay, I was lying. I don’t know what the hell they’re supposed to be and they are far from sexy. I’d have to say that they’re a whole lot closer to scary.

First, let’s just assess (that’s assess, not asses) the text in this image. It’s basically explaining all middle/high school relationships in existance. Pretty simple explanation, but I really like the last line. It’s obvious that the point is the guy is just totally clueless. However, they deliver it so well. Potatoes, man. So much creativity.
Now, on to the actual “art.” I really do hate anime. I have never tried to hide that fact, I just hate it. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all just crap. I mean, what “mad artistic skill” does it take to draw everything painfully out of proportion and then forget the freaking pupils half the time! The one thing that I actually like about the “art” in this picture is the fact that the artist didn’t draw anything below the shoulders.
Now, I would make fun of the page that this image is on, but, sadly, there isn’t really anything there to make fun of. I could browse other parts of that site, but I don’t want to waste precious minutes of my life doing something that I’m sure I will greatly dislike.

So, that’s your Goomage for today! Don’t forget, you can all send in your suggestion(s) for a Goomage search by sending an email to goomage@fedorpheux.com!

(The following was originally posted on 7-2-2003 by me on my old site.)

For this Goomage, I searched for the term “believe it or not george isn’t at home”, a line from the show Seinfeld. Just as a reminder, you can all send in your suggestion(s) for a Goomage search by sending an email to goomage@fedorpheux.com. Anyways, today’s Goomage certainly provided an entertaining result:

The above image is from http://web.archive.org/web/20021113152837/http://www.schmoo.co.uk/killer.htm.

Surprisingly, the above is the second of the only 2 Google Image Search results. Obviously, the image is a picture of good ol’ G.W. with one of his many stupid monkey faces. However, there is a lot more humor involved. First of all, when the image search results page was loading, the first thing that I saw under this picture was the url: www.schmoo.co.uk/killer.htm. Immediately, the fact that the page was “killer.htm” interested me. Shortly after that, the fact that the domain was “www.schmoo.co.uk” just made me laugh. Finally, the picture of George Bush topped it off.

When I clicked on the link to see the page and the full image, it redirected to stupid LOP.com (which finds a sick form of enjoyment from buying every single domain name and redirecting it to the same stupid and useless page). However, I was not to be stopped by little old LOP.com. I headed on over to Archive.org and searched for www.schmoo.co.uk/killer.htm. I found the page (check it out here) and I’m glad I did. It’s yet another page making fun of our current president. Too bad the site was last updated last November and is now dead. Nonetheless, it was a fun Goomage.

Send in your Goomage idea to goomage@fedorpheux.com now!

(The following was originally posted on 6-29-2003 by me on my old site.)

I’m introducing this new feature of the site just for the hell of it. Some other sites sort of do this type of thing every once in a while, so I decided to make it an official feature of this website. Hopefully, I will have time to do a daily edition of this, but we’ll see. I’ll try to do it as close to daily as I can.
Here’s how it works: somehow I get a certain word or phrase that I will use to search Google Image Search. I will pick the funniest or weirdest image that I can find and post it here. Of course, when I post it, I’ll just have to make fun of it because that’s how I am.
For the first many Goomage words/phrases, I’ll most likely just have to think of them myself. However, I encourage anybody reading this to send any ideas for a Goomage search to goomage@fedorpheux.com. I will most likely use your idea either the next day or at least some time in the near future.
To kick off this crazy idea of mine, I used the phrase “soup on a stick”. The second result on the second page was the following image:

The above image is from http://www.3chords.com/bear.htm.

Wow, this is quite a whopper for the first Goomage. I mean, there are absolutely no soups or sticks anywhere in that picture. In fact, the webpage where that image is shown only uses the word “soup” once and it has nothing to do with sticks or soups on sticks.
In addition to the major lack of soups on sticks, the whole image is just confusing and scary in a way. First, if you look at the background, you see a bunch of beer bottles and 2 dogs. It appears that the dogs are either passed out from the beer, sleeping, or just dead.
Now, if you try to forget about the background of the image and just move on, you see the foreground. You see 2 odd-looking dogs photoshopped into the image very poorly. The left one seems to have some crazy eye problems and a stupid hat, but other than that, not too bad. The one on the right however, is some odd patriotic drugged up canine.
Finally, the icing on the cake is the text at the top. I don’t want to know what the deadline was, how it was met, or what the hell it has to do with this picture, so I’m just going to stop analyzing this Goomage.

Welcome to www.Fedorpheux.com. I have been working very hard in the past 24 or so hours to get this up and running how I like it and it is finally to the point where I can publish it. I still have things left to do, but the main content management system (MovableType) is up and running, as well as the Gallery. A lot of information that you may want to know can be found in the About Page. It explains a lot about this site and about me.

Something that I plan to have working in the next couple of days is a random image script that randomly displays an image from the gallery onto the main page of the site. It displays the caption and even links to the actual image in the gallery. I have gotten very close to having it work, but there are a couple more problems I need to work out.
Also, I plan to have a voice server up and running. I have experience with Ventrilo and that is what I plan to use. I have not yet started working on this, though, so I still have to think about exactly what I want and how I will set it up. I just wanted to let you know that a voice server like this will probably be coming your way in the near future.
In addition to those two things, I have some ideas that are a lot less solid and probably wont happen for a while, if at all. One of them that I may start looking into soon is to get a poll on the main page. It would be nice if I could ask some crazy question and have people vote about it so we can get some interesting results. Also, an even less solid plan is to install a forum. I’ve had forums before but they are a hassle and they require members and a database. Also, it will be frustrating if I bother to spend the time installing and setting up a forum and then having practically no posts in it, except from me. So this whole forum thing is just a small thought in the back of my mind. If I ever decide that I do want it, it probably wont be for quite a while. Maybe once this site gets more popular or something.
For now, since I haven’t posted written content yet, enjoy the gallery. I still have a lot of images to post up there, but I already put up a significant number of wallpapers. So, welcome to this site and I hope you enjoy it. Please visit often, post your comments, and feel free to email me about anything.